Jix-Adversity II

The Insanity Continues....

by

April aka WildGirl

TeresaOH aka VSP

El aka 00L

Jeanette aka Emerald

Julie aka Diamond

Katrina aka Viking Girl

Kristin aka Soks

Michaela aka Ruby

Michelle aka Tiny Thunder

Sandy aka Jax

StephanieP aka Pearl

Oops, We Did It Again.

Jan 2, 2003, a date that will live in infamy.

On that night, an idea was born. The idea that went on to become the story "Jixadversity."

Last year, four brave souls worked together to offer up their

"Ode to Jixauthors" in honor of the Jixaversary celebrations.

Now, another year has passed, and with it many changes

As plans began to commence for this year's festivities, queries began to fly.

"Will there be a reader story this year?"

"If so, who wants to be a part of it?"

Once again, clandestine meetings occurred.

New readers, er writers, er agents were recruited.

It took at least one whole evening just to choose "Secret Agent Monikers."

Plans were laid for the story and the writing commenced.

Slowly.

Very slowly.

The only thing that was happened rapidly was April's descent from

"Wild Girl" to "Wildly Panicking Girl."

Jelly took care of us once again, guiding us and creating a wonderful little hangout for us.

She prodded. And tweaked.

And tweaked some more.

Along the way, everyone learned one really, really important lesson.

How to speak in third person in a chat room.

In one of those really strange things that happen sometimes, almost none of the participants were close friends before the project started.

But we always had one thing in common from the very beginning:

We all love our wonderful home at Jix that Cathy has created.

The closest thing to Crabapple Farm on the internet, Jix is full of friends, fun and fan-fic.

We used to think we appreciated the Jix authors for sharing their fanfic with us,

and then, well, then we wrote this story.

Now we KNOW we truly appreciate the wonderfully fantastic Jix authors for toiling over their keyboards, plotting, writing, editing, posting, and sharing their wonderful works of art.

We decided very early on in our endeavors that we did not wish to risk mentioning some authors more than others, or *gasp* heaven

forbid, leaving one out. The number of authors at Jix has been growing by leaps and bounds, and at least a few of us are beginning to

wonder if we can count that high. So we made a rule. No mentions of any authors (other than our Queen, the Jix-Goddess herself, Cathy)

by name, unless we mentioned everyone. Trust us. You have NO IDEA how hard it was to stick to that rule. Really.

We appreciate the Jix-authors so much that we can't help

but want to talk about "so and so's" latest offering or "so and so's" characters.

Then, just as we were almost done, Jelly got the flu.

At this point, April quickly went from "Wildly Panicking Girl" to "Whiskey Girl."

Offers to help came from Leigh and Grey, and Grey eventually became our host.

(Since none of us know the least thing about posting, well, that isn't as simple as it sounds.)

So it is with extra special thanks to Jelly and Grey for all their help,

and with much gratitude and appreciation

to Cathy and all the wonderful authors at Jix,

that the Jix Readers would like to present

Jix-Adversity 2, The Insanity Continues....

So, uh , do you guys want to do this the same way as last year?

What *is* the same way as last year...this needs to be explained to us newbies. *g*

Er, I have vague memories of prodding and saying things like: Your turn. So, who wants to go first? (Ready, set, go...)

Prologue...

The bell on the door jingled as the two women walked in. They headed straight to the counter. The tall one pulled one of the barstools out by hooking her boot underneath it.

Wait a minute, WG. Shouldn't we start by setting the scene or something? You know, let them know who we are and where we are?

We want to build in some suspense.

Suspense is good, but maybe not confusion?

Confusion? Are you kidding? I've been confused since I got here.

Just nod and smile. That's the best way.

We really should keep going here. How about this:

The bell on the door jingled as the two women walked into the nearly deserted diner. They headed straight to the counter. The tall one pulled one of the barstools out by hooking her boot underneath it.

That won't work. I'm 5'9, too.

*WildGirl sighs

The bell on the door jingled as the two women walked into the nearly deserted diner. They headed straight to where Mike was slowly wiping the counter. He asked, "What'll it be, ladies?"

The dark haired one wearily leaned against the bar and said "I NEED chocolate, Mike. Fix me up with one of your famous shakes"

Oh! I like that!

"Coming right up," he replied as he turned to the blonde. "How about you? The usual?"

"Make it a double," she answered as she hooked her boot under one of the barstools and pulled it out to sit on.

They sat in glum silence for a moment, then Agent VSP sighed and said, "I can't believe Cathy thinks we'd go through THAT again!"

"Yeah, V, we learned our lesson last year. Holding a bunch of authors hostage is like taking care of a zoo and a preschool at the same time."

"No, WildGirl, the lesson we learned was that the authors need to stay in their OWN homes with their OWN families and their OWN lives so that they can write more fanfic."

Oh, yeah, right.

The two agents stopped talking for a moment as Mike came towards them. "Here you ladies go... a super-duper, extra large Dr Pepper for the Wild Girl, and a yummy chocolate shake for a Very Special...er...agent." he said with a blush as he set their drinks in front of them.

I don't understand. Why is he blushing?

It's because of her nickname. Very Special Prostitute.

???

Er... It's a long story.

"Can you imagine trying to kidnap all those authors today?" Agent WildGirl asked after Mike had wandered away to see to another customer. "There must be 43 of them by now!"

"I think it's 44," Agent VSP replied. "But I'm not sure. All I know is that there is plenty of great fanfic to read these days!"

"Fabulous! We can't even keep up with how many authors there are," WildGirl groaned. "How am I supposed to keep up with all their stories?"

"It seems like there are new authors every day," V said. "We lost one of our best agents to them, and I hear talk that more might be leaving us soon. We don't NEED to kidnap any of them! Do you think Cathy finally believed us when we kept telling her we didn't do it?"

"I don't know," WildGirl replied as she lazily made patterns with the sweat rings left by her glass, "and I'm not sure which is worse, the fact that the authors have been kidnapped, or that Cathy thinks we did it."

Okay, what now? VSP, maybe we need more description here. Do you do anything like drum your fingers or anything like that?

Hey, with a name like VSP, I can do anything!

hee hee hee

LOL!

Actually, I do tap my feet.

*snicker* She's the Tap Dancing Very Special Prostitute!

Oh... the visuals...

I think we're losing the story here again.

Sorry, WG! Keep going! You're doing great!

Agent V tapped her foot against the underside of the bar as she thought for a moment. All of a sudden she turned back to WildGirl.

"We've GOT to find them WildGirl. That's the only way Cathy will ever believe us!" she said determinedly.

At that moment, they were both startled by a high-pitched chirping noise. Agent WG reached into her pocket and pulled out a slim phone, reading the number displayed in the Caller ID.

"Shhh! It's Cathy!"

"Oh, no!" Agent V moaned. "She must still be mad."

"Hello?"

WG listened for a long time, her eyes growing wider. "Yes, ma'am! Of course!" she said finally. "You can count on us!" She disconnected the call and snapped her phone shut. "You are never going to believe this! Cathy just got a ransom note! 'Our demands have been ignored. We have seized the authors. They will be returned if you change your ways.'"

"And does she still think we're behind this?"

"No! But she does want us to do our best to find and rescue them! We need to come up with a plan. There's a lot of ground to cover around Sleepyside. There's got to be at least a hundred abandoned, never-seen-before buildings in the preserve alone! How are we going to search all that by ourselves?"

"We aren't! We'll get help. There are lots of other readers out there," V answered. "It's time for a Code Red."

"A Code Red Mountain Dew? Ewww! Yuck! I hate those things! Give me a Dr Pepper, any day, any time!"

"No, you nitwit, it's time for a meeting at the Treasure Chest, " VSP said as she pulled out her own cell phone. "Time to call Agent Tiny Thunder and have her send the signal."

Agent V placed the call and then slipped the phone back into her pocket. The two agents paid their tab and stood to leave the diner just as a loud 'BOOM!' crashed through the air, and the sky outside glowed red for a moment.

"Oh," WG murmured. "She's really good, isn't she? Everyone for miles must have seen that! And of course, this being Sleepyside, no one but the other agents will have any idea what it really means. They'll just think we have another crazy arsonist after insurance money on our hands!"

"Yep," V agreed with a wide smile. "So let's get going. We don't want to be late!"

And that's it for this scene, right?

Yep. The alert has been sent. Now it's time to move on to the gathering of the troops.

Okay, so maybe this isn't as hard as I thought. Look, we've got the prologue done!

*V snickers. Sure, and it only took us two and a half hours!

We'll do better next week. We had to get into the swing of things tonight.

Great! See you all then!

Continue...

Okay, we should get started right away.

No prob. Shall I just jump right in?

Go for it.

Agent Diamond stared at the sky with a pensive expression. There went her plans to go home! Agent Tiny Thunder had changed that with one, well, one great big boom. Oh, well, they didn't call a Code Red unless something was seriously wrong. She checked her watch. It would take some time for everyone to assemble. She herself could be at the Treasure Chest in less than ten minutes.

She thought for a moment and decided she would go straight away. She was sure she could find something to occupy her time there while she waited.

Sure enough, she was the first to arrive at the Sleepyside Public Library, headquarters of the Jix Readers Agency. The library was known to JRA agents as the "Treasure Chest". After checking out the collection of Lucy Radcliffe books (not bad, they had more than 10), she made a beeline for the computer stands. Given the warped nature of time in Sleepyside, she figured she had at least an hour to play catch-up at Jix. Maybe even more.

Engrossed in new fanfic, Diamond barely noticed when Agents 00L and Ruby showed up and claimed the other computers. Soon there was a crowd of agents around each of them, reading over their shoulders. Gasps and whispers of "wow" filled their corner of the library as new plot twists were revealed. None of them really paid any attention to the librarian's disapproving looks.

Suddenly, Diamond heard someone humming. After a moment, she recognized "He's a Pirate." Smiling, she glanced up at her partner, Agent Pearl, who was staring avidly at Ruby's computer. Looking around, she realized with a start that just about everyone was present.

Uh, I have to admit something. I don't know what that song is.

Something to do with Pirates of the Caribbean.

Yep. It's from the credits...it's kind of a compilation of all the theme music from the movie.

Oh. Yes. It's all so clear now.

LOL!

It's Pearl. Get it? Pirates of the Caribbean, The Curse of the Black Pearl....

Okay! Now I get it. Carry on.

When WildGirl and VSP finally arrived, Diamond was nearly done with her favorite author's latest chapter. Even after the others had moved away, she kept her eyes glued to the screen. As WG called the roll, Diamond waved her hand vaguely to indicate her presence.

"Uh, we seem to be missing Agent Soks," WG called out. "Anyone know where she might be?"

"I heard she was off somewhere hunting kinfears. She might have been too far away to get the Code Red," Agent Jax offered.

"Right," WG said, frowning. "Someone call her. The kinfears will have to wait."

Are we actually going to explain the kinfears, for anyone who doesn't get it?

I don't get it!

No, that would get us really off track. If anyone wants to know about kinfears, they can get the information off the MB.

*Stephanie opens new window to find out about kinfears.

Still engrossed in her reading, Diamond was only vaguely aware of the discussion. She had less than a page to go when VSP's announcement shattered her concentration: "The Jix authors have been kidnapped." Immediately, she closed her Internet connection and joined the rest of the agents. Some things were more important than fanfic.

After allowing for the stunned gasps and loud demands for more information to quiet, VSP continued. She briefly filled the other agents in on what she and WG knew so far, finishing with, "...And the only clue we have is the ransom note Cathy received: 'Our demands have been ignored. We have seized the authors. They will be returned if you change your ways.'"

Voices rang out in a confused babble as the agents tried to understand what was going on.

Finally Tiny Thunder's voice broke through, "WHAT demands?"

After a pause, during which the agents exchanged baffled looks, WG said, "Cathy didn't understand that either. The only thing she could think of is that there have been lots of CWP requests lately. That's one reason she blamed us - increased demand for fanfic."

"I love fanfic, but I can barely keep up with the new stories lately. We certainly don't need to resort to kidnapping to get more great stories," Emerald commented.

"I could always use more fanfic!" Agent 00L protested. "I'd just need more TIME to read it all!"

"Me too," Jax added. "I've been known to stay up all night reading it."

Ruby laughed. "If we stay in Sleepyside long enough, the tainted timeline might let us get caught up."

"But not if we don't find the authors," VSP reminded them. "We still need more clues."

"Maybe the CWP requests ARE a clue - what kind of elements have been suggested?" Diamond asked.

There was another pause, then a rush for the computers. The librarian glared at them as they fought over who could access Jix first.

At one of the computers, Pearl clicked the link to the Sun. "We should search through all the fanfic for clues...we need to read it ALL if we're going to find the authors!"

Next to her, Jax also opened the Sun. "I'm going to check in the ads. Maybe there's a clue there."

Ads? We have ads?

Yeah. I don't think they get used much, though.

Probably because no one knows about them! Who else knew?

I did.

I did.

Me.

*VSP knew.

All right! All right! I guess I was the only one who didn't know! Sheesh!

No. I didn't know.

I wonder if we can work that in here?

Puzzled, WG said, "What ads?"

Ruby added, "There are ads in the Sun? I never noticed."

"There must be tons of people who never go there, so maybe it's a good place for a clue," Jax reasoned.

At the third computer, Emerald quickly opened the Message Board. "There could be something here," she pointed out. "Hmmmm, okay. I found the CWP requests. There's uh, a guitar...Peter Rabbit...A BWG falling into the lake... Huh. Look at this. Someone named Rebel Don B. has suggested the development of a secondary character, showing how he or she has changed. And, wow, look at that! He's made the suggestion at least five times!"

"Rebel Don B.?" 00L giggled. "What kind of name is that?"

For a long moment everyone stared at her.

"Right," she mumbled. "Who are we to question names?"

"Who is this rebel guy?" VSP wondered. "Does anyone know?"

After a chorus of "no's" WG leaned forward. "What else does he say?"

"In this post he talks about how everyone writes about Jonesy and Laura Ramsey, but no one uses other minor characters," Emerald replied.

"Maybe it's some of the other villains! Ones nobody writes about! These CWP elements could be their demands!" Tiny Thunder shouted excitedly.

The librarian glared at her. "Shush!"

"So, who are we talking about here?" WG whispered. "Who are some of the other villains?"

"Well, there are the trailer thieves from #2," Diamond offered.

Uh, help me out here. I need a list of villains.

How about Slim?

Which Slim?

*WG snickers. This is my brother Daryl and my other brother Daryl...

Okay, I think we should list several villains here. Um.....

"I never liked that Jeff. His partner was Al, wasn't he?" Jax added.

Ruby nodded. "Then there's Dick the Dip from Gatehouse."

"Don't forget Slim," Emerald said.

00L grinned, "and Slim." Everyone laughed. WildGirl began writing the names down.

"Thea something from Hudson River," Pearl threw in.

"Van Loon," Tiny Thunder told her.

"That's it, Thea Van Loon!"

"Sammy from Grasshopper," VSP added.

"Sammy," WG repeated as she wrote. "And Snipe and Bull Thompson in Mysterious Code."

"Jenkins from Emerald," Emerald pointed out.

"The guy from Antique Doll," 00L said. "What was his name? Peter Ashbury?"

Jax nodded. "I think so. What about the fake Uncle Monty?"

Pearl agreed. "And who was the wheelchair guy in Uninvited Guest?"

*WG groans. Oliver Tolliver! Could there be a lamer bad guy name, EVER?

LOL!

That one was pretty bad.

"Oliver Tolliver - what an awful name!" WG said. "Some of the Cowhands were in there too."

"Right, that's when Bobby is feeding the gang, isn't it?" Diamond asked.

"There's that guy from Unseen Treasure - Al Finlay," Ruby pointed out, leaning over WildGirl's shoulder to look at the list.

After a few more minutes, the voices quieted. "Wow," VSP said finally. "What a lot of villains Trixie faced! We need to find out where they are now."

WG tore the list into three parts and handed one to each agent at a computer. "You'd better get to work. We'll keep researching the other villains."

"I'll go browse the newspaper archives," 00L said. "We'll probably find some more bad guys there." She rose from her seat, turning toward the back of the library. She hadn't made it more than five steps before slamming into Ruthie Kettner as she walked around the row of shelves.

"What are you doing here?" 00L demanded suspiciously, wondering if Ruthie's name was on the villain list. That whole Left Hand Gang thing had always sounded like a cover story in her mind.

"I'm supposed to get some books. On Stalin," Ruthie told her shyly.

00L's eyes narrowed. "Does this look like a Barnes and Noble?"

"This is a public library, 'L," Ruby reminded her.

"Since when?" 00L asked sharply, arms folded over her chest as she glared at Ruthie.

Hoping to prevent any serious fireworks, Ruby quickly turned to the other girl and pointed over to the right. "Uh, y-yes, yes, third row. Historical biographies. That way."

Biting back a sigh, WG shook her head and turned her attention to the agents sitting at the computer bank. "You'd better get to work. See what you can find out about these guys. We'll try to think of other possibilities."

Grinning, Jax leaned over Emerald's shoulder. "Try the Useless ThugsRUs web page."

Time passed. (Slowly or quickly, who could tell? This was Sleepyside, after all.) Finally, WG set out to round up her agents. Viking Girl was waiting for the final printouts of the list of suspects. Pearl had to be dragged out of the pirate section. Tiny Thunder was attempting to check out a book on explosives, cheerfully ignoring the librarian's horrified glare. WG discovered Jax and VSP wandering outside and Ruby napping in a study room. Diamond was sitting on the floor in front of the Harry Potter books. After finding 00L in the Africa section, WG made a quick count.

"Looks like we're all back. Emerald, please tell us what you found."

Before she could answer, the library door was thrown open with a bang.

"I'm here!" a breathless voice called out. "What have I missed?"

"Agent Soks! We're glad you've made it," WG said warmly. "We're just about to discuss our suspects."

Agent Viking Girl organized the papers she was holding. "We've narrowed it down to four: Dick the Dip, the Cowhands, Sammy of Phantom Grasshopper fame, and Carl Reid from Antique Doll. Those are the only four in the area. The others are either still in jail, or else out of the country."

"I think it's the Cowhands," Tiny Thunder blurted out.

VSP shook her head, "It sounds like something Sammy would do, if you ask me."

Other agents began commenting on who they felt was most likely to kidnap the authors.

"All right, let's get organized here," WG said briskly. "Who thinks it was Dick?"

Diamond, Pearl, and Ruby raised their hands.

WG nodded. "You three check him out. Get his location from Viking Girl. Now, who thinks it was the Cowhands?"

Tiny Thunder and Emerald stepped forward.

"OK, we think we've located Luke. Here's where to go. And who thinks Sammy's behind all this?"

VSP, Jax and Soks raised their hands.

"Viking Girl can tell you where to go. 00L and I will take this Antique guy." WG looked around.

Anyone notice Viking Girl doesn't have an assignment?

That's okay, I'll just stay by the computers and read fanfic.

I think the rest of us just got gypped.

"Investigate your suspect and meet back here at the Treasure Chest. Any questions?"

No one responded. WG hit her palm with her fist. "Then let's go hunt some orcs!"

Eager to be gone, the agents quickly rose to their feet, knocking over all of their chairs with a loud crash. Red-faced, they picked up the chairs and raced out the door.

Omigosh! I think we finally did it!

Yay us!

Now what?

Now we work on our villain interviews. Get together with your teammates and when you have your part, let us know.

Hey, look at that. We finished up almost seven minutes earlier than last time!

Continue...

So, where shall we find Dick?

No idea.

An old apartment building somewhere?

But where? Hawthorne Street?

I know! We don't have to actually say where he is!

As they headed outside, Ruby showed a piece of paper to her partners. "This is the address we found."

"Oh, I know where that is!" Pearl said. "It's not very far away."

The three agents climbed into their cool car.

What kind of cool car do we have?

I don't know anything about cars.

Me either.

Let's be all about avoidance...just leave it as "cool car"

The three agents climbed into their really cool car. As Pearl pulled away from the library, Ruby said, "I hope we can find the authors soon. I don't know what I'd do without my daily Trixie fanfic."

Diamond slammed her fist down on the dashboard. "I'm just mad that anyone would do this to such terrific authors and people."

"I know what you mean," Pearl said with a sigh. "They have families to care for too."

"We need to find them before they get hurt!"

The agents rode in silence, wondering what could be happening to their friends. After less than ten minutes, Pearl pulled up in front of an old apartment building.

"Apartment B-2," Ruby read. "Let's head inside."

They quickly located the correct apartment and pounded on the door. A blonde, weaselly-looking man opened it.

Is "weaselly" a word?

Does it matter?

"Dick?" Pearl asked. "I'm Agent Pearl, these are Agents Diamond and Ruby. May we come in?"

Dick licked his lips and stood back from the door. "Ooooh, Jewels. I LIKE shinythings."

All three agents repressed a shudder of distaste, but followed Dick inside. They took seats on the sofa.

"Right," Diamond said briskly. "What do you know about Jixemitri?"

"Isn't that that website where the crazy ladies make up stories about that fresh girl and her friends?"

Ruby sighed. "I suppose that's one way to put it. You haven't...seen...any of those, er, 'crazy ladies' lately, have you?

Or 'crazy' gentlemen.

Would Dick even be aware that there are male authors? He seems pretty clueless.

Gosh, I hope he has a clue. At least one to give us. That IS why we're interrogating him!

Dick's face became unreadable. "What do you mean?" he asked guardedly

Pearl leaned forward. "The Jix authors have been kidnapped. We want to know if you had anything to do with it."

Dick paled. "No! Of course not! What makes you think I'm involved with that?"

"But you DO know something about it!" Diamond exclaimed.

"No! I don't know anything! I want to stay as far away from that two-bit private eye as I can!" Dick insisted.

The agents exchanged a look. "Look, if you can tell us anything - anything at all - we won't report you," Ruby told him. "We just want the authors back."

Dick fidgeted for a moment, then burst out, "I don't want to get in trouble. I want to stay out of it."

"We'll leave you out of it," Pearl assured him. "Just tell us."

After a long silence, Dick said, "I can't give you a name. All I can say is: frogs. Think about frogs."

LOL, if you can't work in the clue casually, just blurt it out!

Hey, YOU try working in "frogs" casually!

Good point. *G*

No matter how they pressed him, Dick refused to say anything else. Finally realizing they were wasting time, the agents rose to leave.

As Dick stood to open the door for them, he was fiddling with something in his pocket. Two quarters fell to the floor, but he ignored them. Diamond bent to pick them up, but when she tried to give them back, he shook his head.

"You keep them," he said, then added with a leer, "And, you 'jewels' shouldn't strain your brains trying to figure this out."

Diamond absent-mindedly pocketed the quarters as they left the building. "I don't like him. He creeps me out. But, somehow, I believe him when he says he had nothing to do with the kidnapping."

Pearl nodded. "I agree. With everything. But what could he be afraid of? And what the heck did he mean by 'FROGS'?"

Ruby shrugged. "I have no idea. He definitely knows something he was afraid to tell us."

As they climbed back into their cool car, Diamond sighed. "Well, unless we can figure out something about frogs, this was a dead end. I hope the other teams did better than we did."

As Pearl drove back to the Treasure Chest, Diamond found herself playing with the coins in her pocket. They seemed to remind her of something. But what?

Is that it? Are we done?

I think so.

Me too. Unless you can think of a car now?

Nope

Not me. We're hopeless. *BAG*

Continue...

And it works!

Oh, hey. The Crocodile Hunter is on TV right now.

*Emerald groans. The Crocodile Hunter is not representative of Australians. We all think he is mad too.

So, are we all set?

Think so! Let's get rolling.

Agents Emerald and Tiny Thunder crept softly through the darkening game preserve - carefully avoiding the twigs and leaves that might give them away. Both agents were alert; their eyes constantly scanning their surroundings.

"No wonder Trixie and Honey are always getting lost in here," whispered Agent Tiny Thunder. "The trees are so dense I can barely see three feet in front of me. I just don't know how we are going to find the Cowhands' camp. We haven't seen any trace of them ... Maybe our information was wrong ... "

"Well, I hooked into the Sleepyside police database while we were doing research and it said that the Cowhands were last seen around here just a few days ago," Agent Emerald replied. "Apparently they're suspected of committing all the recent bicycle thefts around Sleepyside. Lots of food has been disappearing from Moms' kitchen recently, too, and the police think they might also be responsible for all the graffiti going on around town at the moment. Did you see what they wrote on Mr. Lytell's store?"

"Yeah," said Tiny Thunder indignantly, "they sprayed 'Strawberry Pop Sucks Old Man!', I mean he may have been a fuddy duddy old crankypants for most of the series, but hey he's been pretty cool in some of the fanfics."

"Luke always was a nasty piece of work. Kidnapping the Jix authors would be just the kind of thing he would do! I bet he thinks the authors should spend as much time writing about him as they do writing about Dan," said Emerald.

"That's my theory too - pure egotism," Tiny Thunder frowned and broke into a jog. "Hurry up, Emerald! I can't even imagine how awful it will be if we can't rescue them. We just HAVE to find them. It's not only Cathy who's depending on us to find the authors ... all those other readers and lurkers out there will tear their hair out if they don't get their regular fix of fanfic."

"I know what you mean," Emerald replied. "I'm reading a new universe at the moment and I am just dying to find out what happens next. Thankfully it looks like it's going to turn out OK and Jim and Trixie will finally get together, but the author is throwing in twists and turns all over the place and taking forever to post the next chapter. If we don't find the authors, she'll never manage to get them together!"

"You're so obstinate about Jim always ending up with Trixie. Why can't you be a bit less boring? Some of us like it when the authors write about some different ..." Tiny Thunder stopped in mid-sentence and put a warning finger to her lips. She pointed to the ground directly in front of them. There it was - the high heeled boot print they'd been looking for. "The suspects must be close!" she mouthed to Emerald.

We almost fell into the traditionalist/non-traditionalist argument there.

We can't have that…everyone knows that traditional is better!

Silence descends.

Maybe it would be better if we just went on.

The two agents quickly followed the tracks deeper into the woods. Soon they realized they were near the cave where Bobby had been trapped in the Black Jacket mystery. Rounding a bend in the path, they saw a blazing fire. Emerald pointed silently at the famous leather Cowhands jackets piled on a log with some knapsacks.

"It looks like they're not here right now," Emerald whispered. "This is a great opportunity to do some looking around. But they're obviously not far away so ..." Emerald raised her finger to her lips in warning. Tiny Thunder just grinned in reply. Agent Tiny Thunder was not known for being quiet.

The two quickly searched the camp for any clues to the location of the missing authors. Tiny Thunder made a sound of disgust low in her throat as she rifled through one of the knapsacks nearest the fire. Emerald joined her and made her own sound of disgust at the contents of the bag. She pulled out 11 or 12 empty cans of spray paint and said, "Well I guess the police are right about them being responsible for all that graffiti." Tiny Thunder stood up abruptly and hurled all the empty cans into the fire.

"TAKE COVER!!" Emerald yelled as she realized what Tiny Thunder had done. As the agents scrambled behind some rocks, a loud explosion rocked the campsite and exploded paint cans and embers flew through the air.

KABOOM!

LOL! KABOOM!

You're really aptly named, aren't you?

"Oops!" Tiny Thunder gave a wry grin as she rose from where they had been sheltering. Emerald stared at Tiny Thunder in astonishment. Tiny Thunder smiled serenely and said, "Paint cans go boom!"

Have you noticed my character is coming off as slightly unhinged?

Emerald bristled with anger as she wiped a purple paint splotch from her nose. "I just don't understand why we can't go one day without you exploding something!"

"Look, there's no need to yell at me. Right now I think we should just focus on finding the authors ... " Tiny Thunder broke off as they both became aware of nearby shouts and loud rustling noises that could only mean someone was coming. Fast.

Various Cowhands poured in from between the trees and bushes, slapping aside branches and trampling the undergrowth. A tall, broad figure wearing cowboy boots and a black jacket stepped out in front, lip curled in a snarl, "Who the *#@! are you two?"

Agent Emerald stepped forward. "Luke, I presume? I'm Agent Emeral-" She was interrupted by one of the gang members who sniggered and then shouted out "BAM!"

Why'd he say that?

Emerald sounds like Emeril. You know, the famous chef.

And restaurant owner?

Yes. Emeril is VERY cool! Anyway, "Bam!" comes from his TV show.

Ha, that's perfect – we can be Bam and Boom!

Emerald looked at him coldly. "You have me confused with my partner over there - Agent Tiny Thunder. We call her Boom for short."

Another Cowhand grinned slyly. "So what? You're Bam and Boom?"

"Cute," Tiny Thunder growled. "I'll bet I could wipe that smile off your face real quick."

Luke, whose eyes had widened comically at Emerald's use of his name, cut in. "How do you know my name - no wait, that's not important, we're gonna get rid of you no matter." He advanced towards Emerald and motioned to the rest of the gang to circle in.

"I don't think so," said Tiny Thunder as she reached into her various pockets. "Cowhands come any closer, Cowhands go boom." She held out an assortment of deadly looking explosives as she spoke.

The gang backed up slowly as Emerald spoke, "We need to ask you some questions and then I think we can all be on our way."

"I don't normally take no orders from no one, see, but that little lady ain't lookin' right in the head," Luke said as he nervously eyed Tiny Thunder.

If he only knew….

*snirt*

"Well, what can you tell us about the missing fanfic authors?" barked Emerald.

"I don't know nothin'. I don't have them ... he, I mean I don't know nothin'"

"Cowhands go boom?" suggested Tiny Thunder evilly.

"Well, uh, I uh ..." his eyes darted nervously around, "I, uh, promised I wouldn't say nothin', but he's crazy, always accusin' us of watchin' him, chuckin' tantrums about nothin' ... I can't take no more. He threatened to talk a lot, to follow us through all of the stories yet to be written, talkin', talkin' his crazy talk. He started throwin' things at us."

Luke broke down into violent sobbing. He fell over and curled into a fetal position, muttering incomprehensibly.

The two agents looked at each other in bafflement.

"Did he just say 'no more lab in the north'?" Tiny Thunder whispered.

Emerald sent her a blank look before turning to the rest of the gang. They stood in a loose circle, staring at their near comatose leader in shock. "I assume you all have alibis for the last 24 hours."

A short, scrawny Cowhand spoke up. "We've all gotta bake stupid oatmeal cookies every day with that old witch Vanderpoel. It's for charity or somethin'."

"Yes, we heard that was one of your parole conditions. You can be sure we will check on that. But where were you last night?" Tiny Thunder asked.

"Uh, yeah, that's when we were uhm, decorating that old fart's store," one of the Cowhands said with a smirk. "He caught us so we tied him up, he's still in the basement over at the store ...he'll tell you the truth."

Emerald and Tiny Thunder looked at each other and nodded. Emerald said, "Guys, we don't have the time to deal with you right now, so here's how it's gonna go down. You go release Lytell, take your 'leader' with you and get the hell on out of here. If you don't ... well Tiny Thunder will track you down and have something to say about it. I don't think you want that, now do you?"

The Cowhands tore off in the direction of Lytell's, taking the still blubbering Luke with them.

Emerald and Tiny Thunder took off running in the other direction, straight towards downtown Sleepyside and the library. They had a meeting to make.

Well, I like it, I guess, but I still wanted to make the Cowhands go BOOM!

Uh, right. The problem with that is then we'd have to detour this story to the part where we're trying to bust you out of jail and we don't have time for that, you know.

So we go on and see what's happened with everyone else?

Sounds like a plan.

*g*

Agents VSP, Soks, and Jax rushed from the library, earning another disapproving glare from the librarian. The bright sun hurt their eyes, prompting them to don their black secret agent sunglasses.

"Where do we find Sammy?" Agent Jax looked around the town square.

"Um...he must be somewhere; maybe we should try Wimpy's!!" Soks licked her lips. "And as long as we're there, maybe we should try the milkshakes. I hear they are delicious!"

"Soks!! We have no time for milkshakes! Think of the poor Jix authors who can't have milkshakes! Still, we DO have to start someplace..." VSP shot Soks a disgusted look, but they turned in the direction of Wimpy's Diner.

Ten minutes later, the agents were standing before the large front window of Wimpy's. "I don't see anybody that looks like Sammy, but that guy has a burger and fries! Mmmmm...chocolate milkshakes!!!" Soks started hungrily towards the door, but was jerked back as VSP grabbed her collar.

"Later, Soks, right now we have a mission. We must find out if Sammy is holding the Jix authors hostage!" Agent VSP said. "Later you can come back and get a chocolate milkshake on me. They ARE delicious. I should know, I had one earlier."

Somehow that just doesn't seem fair, does it Jax?

No, how DID she get to have a Wimpy's milkshake?

*snirt* It's called Seniority, ladies…

"He is certainly mean enough to kidnap them. Look what he did to Hoppy!" Jax shuddered, remembering that vile deed.

For the next hour, the three agents ran all over Sleepyside, searching for Sammy. They went to Crimper's Department Store, Sleepyside Jr-Sr. High School, the police department, and Sleepyside Park. After what felt like hours (but they weren't sure, since this WAS Sleepyside), the agents were sweaty and hot, and no closer to finding Sammy.

"Does anyone know where Sammy is now?" Agent Jax asked in frustration.

VSP shook her head. "Maybe we should go say hello to Hoppy, he's supposed to bring good luck!"

"Great", Jax responded. "We need all the help we can get!"

Soks nodded her head vigorously. "We need to find those authors soon. I need my daily dose of fanfic!"

As the agents approached the bell tower, the peacefulness of the afternoon was shattered. Agent Soks looked around in disgust. "Who is playing that horrible music at this hour of the day?"

"Hey, Meet Me in St. Louis! I love that song! Hey, VSP, are you going to meet me in St. Louis this summer?" Agent Jax twirled around in time to the music.

"No. What about you, Agent Soks?"

Agent Soks looked glum. "I can't go! I have to go to Alaska instead. I wish I could meet all the Trixie fans out there. Kyrie said that registration has DOUBLED from last year!"

Wow...doubled...it only makes sense for it to have doubled since we have so many authors now.

"Authors!! Authors! We need to find them. We can't be talking to weather vanes and
planning our summer trips!" VSP looked sternly at the other agents.

"Right...sorry"

"Hey, isn't that goon playing the radio Sammy? Hoppy IS lucky!!" Jax pointed to the man who was carelessly painting the tower white. "I knew it! Sammy! What are you doing?"

Sammy turned, an unpleasant look on his face. "Whaddya want? Can't you see I'm busy here?"

"Where are the authors, you cretin? What did you do with them?!?" After questioning Sammy threateningly, Agent Soks was suddenly distracted by the possibility of kinfears hiding in the tall grass.

You have kinfears on the brain!

Well, that IS why my name is "Soks"…Seeker Of KinfearS.

*Jax groans.

"What authors? I like music, not books. What are you talking about, you crazy dame?"

VSP poked Soks in the side. "Pay attention! This is important!"

Soks pulled her attention back to the task at hand. "Ok, you, WHERE are the authors? We know you have them!"

Sammy looked confused. "What are you talking about? What authors? I told you, music, not books! The closest I get to the library is to mow the grass outside, as part of my community service! Can you believe they are making me work here for free after I used to work here and get paid?"

VSP snarled and moved into Sammy's face, "The Jix authors have been kidnapped, and you are our #1 suspect!!"

What is Sammy's last name? Anyone know?

Lawler I think….wasn't he the teacher's brother?

Nope, they really weren't related…so Lawler is out.

Does it matter?

Sammy backed up, his hands held up in front of him. "Who are the Jix authors? Is that some new romance series put out by Harlequin?"

As Sammy started protesting his innocence, VSP recoiled in disgust. "When was the last time you brushed your teeth?"

Eeeewww!

"Jixemitri, formerly Cathy's Jim and Trixie page, home of Trixie Belden on the Web ..."

"Some of the best fanfic on the internet...." Jax interrupted Soks.

"There are 44 authors of Trixie fanfic missing, they have been kidnapped, and we think YOU did it!" Soks finished by leaning in close to Sammy.

"Yeah, we learned our lesson last year, we wouldn't be that crazy again!" VSP said.

"And we have learned from their mistakes!" Soks and Jax exclaimed together.

Sammy started to turn away from the agents, and as he did, a small, white card slipped out of his pocket and floated to the ground.

Agent Soks leaned over to pick it up. "This is Mayor Davis's business card! Why do you have this?"

Sammy looked uncomfortable. "Some dude gave it to me, along with this!" He pulled an old button from his pocket.

The agents looked at the articles in bewilderment. "What dude?" VSP asked.

"Who walks around with old cards and buttons in his pocket?" Jax wondered.

"I dunno, some blonde dude."

"Button, button, that rings a bell...who has the button?" Soks snapped her fingers. "I KNEW it was Ben! What a jerk! I can't believe that he would pull something like this! Just wait until I get my hands on him!! He's TOAST!!!"

"I want to get MY hands on him first." A salacious glint entered Jax's eyes.

"I don't care how good looking he is, he still has our authors and we need them back. We have to prove to Cathy we are innocent!" VSP exclaimed. "Besides, I have to find out what is going on in my favorite universe, the author won't post until the Jixaversary."

Turning on their heels, they sprinted back to the library. Bursting in, they noticed that the other agents were nowhere in sight. Pushing and jostling, they rushed for the computers to check out their favorite universes.

Hey, we were wandering around for hours! How'd we get back to the library, er, Treasure Chest first?

Sleepyside time, of course.

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

Are we done yet? I need some sleep. I've been working really long hours at work, trying to make sure that there isn't a National Toilet Paper emergency.

Yeah, we're done.

*Soks cheers

Continue...

"Looks like it's you and me, Agent 00L...and we've got that Antique Doll villain," WildGirl said.

"Isn't he the one who smuggled diamonds or counterfeiting plates or…well, he smuggled something. Do we have a name? Or at least an address?" 00L asked.

"All we know is that he works for town hall. Apparently his job is to remove gum from the public benches."

"Ewwwwwwww," the two agents grimaced together.

"Well, what do we do?" Wild Girl asked. " Wander around downtown looking for him?"

00L nodded and they started walking down the sidewalk.

Agent WildGirl was doing the tourist thing - staring at Crimper's in amazement that she was actually seeing a Sleepyside landmark - when all of a sudden she ran into 00L.

"Oof!"

00L was staring at a fancy dark red car parked in a yellow zone.

"Didn't that bad guy drive a maroon Mercedes-Benz?" she asked.

"Yeah, I think so," WildGirl answered. "Is that a Mercedes-Benz?"

00L looked carefully at the insignia. "I'm pretty sure it is."

We really don't know anything about cars, do we?

Nope. *G*

"I wish we could be sure it was his car," WildGirl said as she inspected the fancy vehicle.

"What are you looking for?" 00L asked. "A little yellow sign that says "Bad Guy on Board? C'mon, lets look around...if it's his car, he'll be somewhere nearby."

WildGirl and 00L continued walking until they spotted a short, balding guy stooped over looking under a bench.

"Mr. Ashbury, Peter Ashbury!" WildGirl called out.

I can't believe I really got the names mixed up and thought this guy was Peter Ashbury!

Well, he IS one of the lesser known villains…

"He's ignoring you," Agent 00L pointed out. "Are you sure this bad guy's name is Peter Ashbury? That doesn't sound quite right."

"How should I know?" WildGirl sighed. "We have a villain from one of the LAST FIVE books! No one EVER reads those!"

"That's true. I'd much rather read fan-fiction than read one of those five books."

Who wouldn't?

"And if we don't find those authors, we may never get any more fan-fiction to read," WildGirl moaned.

The two agents turned to each other..."Horrors!" they both exclaimed at the same time.

"Wait...something you said ....I almost had this bad guy's name...." 00L said.

"I said 'if we don't find those authors, we may never get any more fan-fiction to read.'" WildGirl repeated helpfully.

"Read? That's it! Reid! Carl Reid!" Agent 00L exclaimed excitedly.

Read? Reid? Hee hee heee

Hearing his name, the man raised up, narrowly missing hitting his head on the back of the bench. "Go away. Can't you see I'm working?"

Now we need to get all 'tough investigator-ish' here

Us? Tough? If you say so….

00L straightened her shoulders and said "No, Mr. Reid. We will not go away."

"You have our authors, and we want them back," WildGirl demanded.

"All I've got is this ABC gum," Reid snapped back. "You want some of that?"

"Eeeeewwwwww," the agents answered, stepping back almost reflexively.

WildGirl took a deep breath, and demanded again, "What have you done with the Jix authors?"

Uh-oh…no idea where our plot goes from here. How do the authors do this on a regular basis?

I've got an idea….can I make up a word?

Um, sure, why not?

"The Jickswhatsits?" Reid asked, confused.

"So you don't know anything about the Jix authors?" Agent 00L was surprised.

"Nope. Now get out of here and leave me alone," the man snarled.

"We're not leaving here until you tell us something...have you seen or heard anything unusual lately?" WildGirl asked.

"Unusual? I see nothing. I know nothing." Reid replied.

"That won't fly with us buster. We've watched enough Hogan's Heroes to recognize that line when we hear it." WildGirl said. "You know something…now spill it!"

"No, I don't." Reid answered, with a furtive look towards his car.

Agent 00L quickly stepped over to the car and looked inside.

"Ah hah!" she exclaimed. "WildGirl, take a look at this."

"What in the world...ohmigosh...its a parsquirrel!" WG said excitedly.

So that's how we're going to get the parsquirrel in!

Both agents whipped back around to look at Reid.

"What are you doing with a parsquirrel?" WildGirl snapped at him.

"Yeah, that's not from YOUR book," 00L said. "I smell something rotten here!"

"Some kid gave it to me the other day. I thought I could smuggle something in it," Reid snarled back. "What's it to you?"

"Riker," 00L whispered to Wild Girl.

"What's he doing in town? I would have thought he was too busy going from fanfic to fanfic to do this...but maybe he is the kidnapper," WG whispered back.

"What kid?" Agent 00L asked Reid.

"Some blonde kid. That's all I'm saying," Reid answered.

"Why? Why did he give it to you?" Wild Girl demanded.

"What part of 'that's all I'm saying' didn't you understand? Now scat!" Reid snarled.

Now what? *00L asked WildGirl

"Now what?" Agent 00L asked her partner.

"This guy scares me. I'd forgotten how rude he was when Trixie tried to interview him for the school paper," WildGirl said.

"You know, WG, I was just thinking," 00L remarked. "If Reid didn't want to be written about then, why would he want to be written about now in fanfic?"

"You're probably right," WildGirl suggested. "Let's head back to the library and see if anyone else got anything."

"Yeah, hopefully someone else had better luck than we did," 00L answered. "What I really can't figure out is the connection between Ben Riker and Carl Reid."

"Other than the predilection for stuffed things?" WG laughed. "Really, the only thing stranger than smuggling counterfeiting plates in a doll is that parsquirrel thing Ben made."

*00L looks frantically for a dictionary

"Look, if you're gonna start using words like 'predilection' on me, we'd better get back to the library as soon as possible so I have access to a dictionary!" 00L said as she turned and started back up the street.

What are you grinning about?

We're done.

Really?

Yes.

Yeay!

Continue...

The agents returned to the Treasure Chest, tired and discouraged, and in the case of Agents Emerald and Tiny Thunder, covered in a fine dusting of soot and ash.

WG frowned at the two. "Do I want to know?"

"There was an... incident with a can of spray paint and a camp fire," Emerald explained hesitantly.

WG puffed out a breath. "Right. I see. Well, let's make our reports and see what we've all learned."

"Good idea," Emerald agreed, "but you might want to see what's Agent Viking Girl is doing first."

"Oh, no," WG moaned as she saw Viking Girl rise from her seat, grab her chair with both hands and raise it above her computer. "No! Stop!" she cried, earning a reproachful glare from the librarian.

Viking Girl turned to find all eyes on her.

"Okay, what's going on?" WG demanded in a quieter tone.

"This dang computer! I've been trying to download the latest fanfic and it keeps crashing on me."

Haven't we all felt that way before?

I know I've felt like blowing up a computer.

* Jax sighs….you would…..

"Put...down...the....chair..." 00L said slowly. "Step away from the computer."

Wild Girl approached the distraught agent carefully. "Yes. Please. Put down the chair."

Sighing, Viking Girl complied. "Sorry about that." With a sudden smile, she visibly perked up. "Good! We're all here! Have you found the authors?"

The agents gathered around the wide conference table in the back corner of the library.

"Well, since none of you skipped back in here with a gaggle of authors in your wake or at least great big smiles on your faces, can I assume our missions weren't as successful as we had hoped?" WG began, looking around at each of the agents.

For a moment silence greeted her.

Then, all at once, several agents began to speak.

"We don't think it was Dick," Pearl said. "He was as surly as ever, but we're pretty sure he was telling the truth when he claimed he didn't kidnap the authors."

"Sammy's out," Jax declared firmly. "Three minutes of talking to him and we realized that loser couldn't plan the kidnapping of a flower pot, much less dozens of writers."

"The Cowhands are too busy proving their juvenile delinquency through graffiti to have the time to pull this caper," Emerald supplied.

WG nodded. "And Carl wasn't much help either. I guess we need to do some more brainstorming here. We'll have to - " she broke off as she became aware of the insistent chirping of her cell phone. "Hang on." She pulled the phone from her pocket, reading the LCD screen. "Shhh! It's Cathy!"

The other agents sat still and silent as WG carried on a hushed conversation over her phone. Finally, she hung up.

"All right, Agents. Cathy's received another note. This time with more specific demands. In short, the kidnapper wants a lead role in a new universe written by someone who will treat him well. With respect. Show him to be smart and capable and well liked."

"That'll depend on who he is and which author he gets," Tiny Thunder put in with a smirk.

"You know," VSP murmured. "That's got to be a big clue. And I think we might have another one. Something Sammy said. We thought at first he was trying to tell us the mayor is behind it, but now we're sure he meant Ben Riker is the kidnapper!"

"It might be Ben Riker," 00L said thoughtfully. "We found the parsquirrel."

"Wait a minute," Diamond broke in. "Dick mentioned frogs and he said something really odd. He dropped some quarters and then told us to not 'strain our brains' over this."

You know, I never did really understand the whole bit with the quarters.

That's easy! Our villain lost some ch…

Diamond! Don't give it away yet!

"I played around trying to figure out who Rebel Don. B was. I tried to figure out if it was some kind of a code." Viking Girl added. "The ONLY thing that made any sense whatsoever was that it was an anagram for the words Rob Belden."

"That's it!" Emerald exclaimed. "Luke wasn't saying 'lab in the north'! It was labender norange! No more labender and norange. And that could only mean one thing!"

The agents all exchanged wide-eyed looks.

WG cleared her throat. "I think we're all in agreement here?"

"BOBBY!" they shouted in one voice.

"Shhhhhh!" the librarian hissed at them angrily.

"Oh, Bobby!" Tiny Thunder said brightly. "I was just reading Mary Sue's story. You know the one. Where Bobby gets tangled up in his shoelaces in his tree house and he falls out and lands in that pile of - "

Quick! Somebody stop her before she says a word that can't be used in a PG story!

Don't you mean a Blue Star story?

I can never keep those ratings straight. It doesn't matter, I just read everything anyway!

Well I know them quite well. And I also know that I have 10 months and 1 day before I can get the password!

"Tree house!" Ruby interrupted, snapping her fingers. "That's it! If we want to find Bobby, I say we start there!"

"Good idea," WG agreed. "Agents, let's move."

We're done???

With this scene.

Whoo-hoo!

Continue...

Agents Diamond, Ruby and Jax pointed to the left, while WildGirl, VSP and Soks pointed to the right.

The others just stared blankly.

"I never did understand those maps of Sleepyside," Viking Girl said. "It seems like one day the Manor House was to the left of Crabapple Farm, and the next day it was to the right!"

00L let out a frustrated scream and kicked the tree next to her. "What I don't understand is how the BobWhites ever find their way around in here!"

"Trixie and Honey never could," Emerald reminded her. "They had to let the horses find their way home."

'L kicked the tree again. "How are we EVER going to find that stupid treehouse?" She didn't notice that most of the other agents were now staring up into the tree she was abusing.

"Gleeps!"

"Jeepers!"

"That has to be the biggest treehouse I've ever seen!"

"It's ...it's...it's as big as the Manor House."

"Yeah...a Manor House in sky!"

LOL! Of course, you do realize what we'll have once we all get up in the treehouse?

No, what?

*Tiny Thunder sings 'Manor House in the Sky with Diamond'

*snirt*

"Is that a hot tub on the third floor balcony?"

"How in the world did Bobby manage to build that thing?"

"I guess Bobby's had a lot of time to work on it, since he hardly ever has a starring role in fanfic."

We DO know that Bobby really does have a major role in a lot of fanfic, don't we?

Yeah, but we had to have a villain and a reason.

Well, as long as we know….

WG clapped her hands. "OK, agents, that's enough staring. We need to confront this creep!

"Looks like it's time to start climbing..."Diamond said.

"Climbing?" gulped Emerald.

"Up there?" asked Jax.

The two agents looked at each other, then turned to face the rest of the group and began speaking at almost the same time.

"We'll stay down here," Emerald said.

"I think someone needs to watch for, um, other bad guys or something." Jax added. "We'll do that!"

You two really are chicken, you know that, don't you?

Yep

Of course!

"Anyone else scared of heights?" Soks asked

"Then let's get started."

Several minutes later, the rest of the agents were on the balcony in front of the massive double doors that signified the front entrance to the treehouse.

VSP finally managed to gasp "Who's gonna knock?"

Eight fingers immediately pointed at her.

"Fine then." she said resignedly. "I guess I'll do it."

She reached up and grabbed ahold of the heavy brass knocker, but before she could even knock once, the door opened inward, causing V to stumble and almost fall.

Bobby Belden, looking just as he was described in the books, looked up at the group of JRA Agents.

"What'da ya want?" he growled at them, in a surprisingly adult voice.

"We're looking for the Jix authors," 00L said.

"Where are they?" Ruby added, trying to look around the door and see inside the treehouse.

"Jix authors?" Bobby repeated. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"What have you done with the Jix authors, you little rat?" Diamond asked again.

"I don't know where your precious authors are," Bobby answered. "I certainly didn't kidnap them." He smirked.

"We KNOW you have them," Viking Girl growled. "The villains we interviewed all knew it was you."

"Yeah. What...have...you...done...with...them?" WildGirl asked, poking Bobby in the chest with each word as she slowly pushed him back inside the treehouse.

As Wild Girl and Diamond started interrogating Bobby, the rest of the agents quietly (well as quietly as she could in Tiny Thunder's case) slipped into the main room of the treehouse and fanned out to look for clues.

Viking Girl picked up a piece of paper and read it quickly. She turned to Bobby and said "Oh, please, as if anyone would ever write this about you."

"Or this," Agent Pearl said from the other side of the room.

Agents Ruby and 00L looked up from comparing several scraps of paper. "Is all of this fanfic starring Bobby?" 00L asked.

"Let me see that," VSP said, reaching for a piece of bright yellow lined paper. "I recognize this handwriting! But this author NEVER uses legal pads to write on. And she'd never write Bobby like this! What are you doing to the JIX authors?"

All of a sudden the agents were surrounding Bobby, peppering him with pointed questions.

"You haven't hurt them have you?"

"How did you make them write this?"

"Where are the JIX authors?"

Right after Tiny Thunder got in his face and threatened to blow him apart like a birthday present in the hands of a toddler, Bobby snapped.

"Do you think it's easy being six years old year after year after year? Does anyone pay my way on an all expense-paid trip to Arizona? Does anyone ever let ME have any fun? Shoot, half the time they don't even let me SPEAK clearly, and I have a degree in oration from the best online university there is! No, I just get bitten by snakes and get duped by thieves," Bobby ranted. "Well, I showed you. I showed everyone. Bobby Belden is no one to be trifled with! You betcha I have your authors. I have them in a real special place, and I'm not telling you where that special place is because it's a 'seecrud.' Now, get out of my treehouse before I make you take a long walk off a short branch!"

Something about the steam rising from Bobby's ears, the red face and the glazed eyes made all the agents take a step back. They turned to look at Wild Girl who was literally quaking in her boots. "Retreat! Retreat!" she cried, turning to run out the door and scamper down the ladder as fast as she could. Bobby continued to rant and rave at the top of his lungs as the agents scrambled to get away as fast as possible.

While the rest of the agents had been checking out the treehouse, Jax and Emerald had wandered over to the edge of the clearing and were looking at the outdoor shower that Jim had built for Bobby. The two agents were giggling over possible shower scenes starring their favorite male BobWhites when the rest of the agents came scurrying down from the treehouse like rats deserting a car sinking into the Hudson River.

Bobby's far from angelic voice was screeching overhead, "And don't think you'll ever find them!"

He startled Emerald so much that she jumped. Almost losing her balance, she reached out to grab ahold of the rope from the shower. As she pulled on the rope, a secret door in the trunk of the nearest tree opened up, revealing a steep stairway going down into a pit.

I like that, WG, but maybe with some commas?

OK, someone sprinkle in a few of those curvy things, will you?

"That looks oddly familiar," Agent Jax said.

"Of course it does!" Agent VSP answered. "All we need is a wheelbarrow and an albino dwarf and we've got the 'pit of despair.'"

Agent Soks shoved past everyone else and started to duck through the opening.

"Wait! You can't go in there! The air might be bad. Remember 'Emeralds'?" Agent Ruby cried.

"Remember what?" Agent Emerald asked with a confused look on her face. "And my name is EMERALD not EMERALDS. Why can't anyone get my name right?"

"No, you nitwit!" Agent 00L said. "She means "The Mystery of the Emeralds." You know....the tunnel."

"Oh," Emerald replied sheepishly.

The tunnel...Jim and Trixie....missed opportunities...

Focus, people!

"I think the air's ok," Agent Soks said as she sniffed the air in the stairway cautiously. "I'm going down anyway."

Seconds later, a series of thuds echoed up from the opening in the tree trunk.

"Are you okay?" Agent Viking Girl called down to Soks.

"Yeah, but that first step's a doozy" Soks replied, her voice trailing off at the end.

She's dauntless and all that

Wing a few good lines my way….I need some help here.

* kristin ducks the winging lines

"Oh my gosh!" Soks continued.

Agents came flooding down the stairs behind her, almost knocking Soks into a very angry little dog who was growling and barking his obnoxious little head off.

"Oh, no! It's Mr. POO!" Pearl cried out.

"But look!" Jax replied

Huddled behind the monstrous little furball were the Jix authors.

The agents tried to rush toward their friends, but Mr. Poo snapped at anyone who got near him. VSP almost had her fingers taken off when she got too close.

"What do we do now?" Diamond asked

The agents huddled to discuss this new obstacle. The authors called out conflicting advice on how to get past the tiny brute.

Tiny Thunder stared at Mr. Poo for a moment, then smiled angelically. "I know how to get rid of him!"

"Tiny Thunder, NO!!!" the agents called out with one voice.

"As if!" Tiny Thunder sniffed indignantly. "Mr. Poo, look! It's Reddy! Reddy!" She pointed back up the tunnel.

At the name of the Belden's Irish Setter, Mr. Poo perked up his ears. His eyes followed Tiny Thunder's pointing finger. He spent a moment in indecision, and then took off up to the preserve.

After a moment of incredulous silence, the authors and agents all cheered.

The agents quickly helped the authors to their feet and out of the pit of despair.

A true mob scene quickly developed (complete with angry villagers holding torches) as several authors decided to drag Bobby down out of his treehouse. Others were falling to their knees, weak with hunger and relief at being released. Several were crawling on their knees, asking for water.

Or Dr. Pepper.

Or Diet Coke.

Or even a Hershey Bar.

Diamond was standing to the side with a clipboard, trying to see if all the authors were accounted for.

Ruby, Pearl and Emerald were helping her by calling out names.

"I see Amy, Anna and Beth Ann." Ruby said.

"And there is Bonnie….Carol…Charly and Claire." Pearl added.

Emerald chimed in with "Cyndi, Dana, Dani, Diann, and Eric."

"And over there is Janette, and there is Janice, and Jayne is behind you." Ruby pointed out.

"There's all the Jenni's….C, F and J!" Pearl contributed. " And Judith and Kate are over there."

"So we're to the K's? Hmmm…I see Kathy K, and Kris, but where is…oh there she is! There's Kyrie." Emerald said.

"Anyone else feel like this is an episode of Romper Room?" Ruby asked, pretending to hold up a mirror as she scanned the crowd. "I see Leigh, and Leslie, and Leslie, and LisaMarie."

"And I see LI Lisa, and Mary, and Mary C," Pearl continued for her. "And Meagan and Misty."

"Misty? So that creepy Bobby even kidnapped writers on hiatus?" Emerald asked. "Then that guy over there has to be Sam."

"Hey, wait up….we skipped the R's," Ruby said. "And that would be Robin, Roxanne and Ruth."

"Who's next on the list, Diamond?" Emerald asked.

"Steph…and I see her over there," Diamond answered. "And after that it's the Sue's…all four of them!"

"Hmmm….Sjaye….SIM…Susansuth…and Susi." Pearl said as she looked around and found each of those authors.

"Only two left, since Cathy wasn't kidnapped." Diamond said. "And there they are…Trish and Vikki."

"Oh good, they're all here!" Pearl said excitedly. "I was worried they wouldn't be!"

A few feet away, WildGirl pulled out her cell phone and called Cathy to report the good news.

She could barely hear over the cries of "Off with his head" and "Rip him to pieces" but she finally hung up the phone and tried to get everyone's attention. No one noticed, so she grabbed Tiny Thunder by the arm and yelled in her ear.

A moment later, a loud BOOM! filled the clearing.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to look at Tiny Thunder, who was standing with a big grin on her face.

"They're all yours," she said to WildGirl.

"I just talked to Cathy. She said to bring Bobby to her....she'll teach him to mess around with Jix."

There's food and drinks for everyone at Crabapple Farm. She wants someone to round up the lurkers and other readers."

"That sounds like a job for my Trixie Twin, Agent Tamster." VSP said, whipping out her cell-phone.

"In that case, let's go people....it's time for a Jixaversary party!" Diamond called out.

At that, a resounding cheer went up and everyone turned to leave.

Authors and agents scattered to each of the paths leaving the clearing, calling out to each other as they went.

"This way."

"No, this way"

"This is the way to Crabapple Farm!"

00L had gone back to kicking the tree in frustration when all of sudden, a dark horse with a cloaked and hooded rider appeared on one of the paths.

The rider lifted one gloved hand and beckoned to the group, and then turned the horse and headed away.

Let me get this right….you're asking us to follow DEATH down a path in the preserve?

No, it's a 'mysterious figure' ….who could be whatever Sleepyside character you like best. You know, Jim, or Dan, or Brian.....or Regan....

Oh, well, in that case, lead on!

Anyone know who that is?" VSP asked.

She looked around and saw everyone shaking their head "No."

"How mysterious..." she continued.

At the word mysterious, smiles broke out on everyone's face, and they all quickly took off after the rider.

Hey, we finished another scene!

Let me get this right, the epilogue is all that's left?

Yes. Somebody come up with a good punishment by next week, ok?

Can we blow him up?

NO!

Darn.

Ruby burst through Crabapple Farm's screen door and yelled, "Yoo-hoo!" Realizing what she'd just done, she blushed and tried to turn away, but was almost trampled by the horde of authors and agents behind her.

Before entering the farmhouse, Jax looked back to thank the mysterious rider who had led them there, but he had already vanished.

Moments later, Agent Tamster led in a large group of lurkers through the front door and the party took off quickly.

The stretchy walls of Crabapple Farm were soon put to the ultimate test as agents, readers, lurkers and authors overflowed the kitchen and into the living room. Crabapple Farm had always seemed so much like home to any fans of Trixie Belden books, that it truly felt like they were coming home.

Cathy watched the flood of people take over the house. Diamond & Pearl were in the living room, 'oohing and ahhing' over Nick's pen and ink drawing of the farm, VSP was in the kitchen dumping a bag of potato chips into a big wooden bowl, and Viking Girl and 00L were settling down in chairs at the kitchen table. Ruby and Emerald had a couple authors cornered in the living room and were trying to get spoilers out of them. Now that the danger was past and all the authors had been found, Jax and WildGirl were in a corner trading milk cartons, each trying to get a complete collection of "Missing Author" cartons.

I'm going to the Antique Roadshow to get the price of those milk cartons evaluated!

You gotta love a good party, don't you?

Agents Tiny Thunder and Soks (easily the two most bloodthirsty of the agents) hauled in a kicking and screaming Bobby Belden and threw him to the ground at Cathy's feet.

"This is the miserable little excreant that perpetrated the vile deed" Agent Viking Girl proudly announced from her seat at the kitchen table.

Several of the authors and agents nearby looked around for Mart.

"Are you channeling Mart?" Agent Wild Girl asked.

"It is a distinct possibility, however, I am enthroned upon Martin's customary seat at the banqueting table, so it is quite possible that the phraseology is an aftereffect of my location.

"You mean, Mart's chair maked you talk like Mart?" the author sitting next to Viking Girl asked.

Maked? Don't you mean made?

Nope. Keep reading….

"That's my chair you're sitting in" Bobby pointed out to the author with a smirk.

Suddenly there was a mad scramble to try out the rest of the chairs at the kitchen table.

"Hmm....you suddenly look very mysterious," 00L commented to Emerald, who was standing behind her.

"Is that a scratch on your arm? Let me fix that...I'm going to be a doctor you know." Agent VSP said to one of the authors who was standing nearby.

Cathy sighed and turned to Tiny Thunder and Soks . "Why don't you two find something useful for Bobby to do until this settles down. I have a suitable punishment lined up for him, but I want everyone to be able to hear it."

Does anyone have any idea what the punishment is going to be?

Can we blow him up?

Not inside Crabapple Farm!

Oh, yeah.

Fifteen minutes later, Bobby was walking through the crowd with a tray of drinks, wearing a frilly white apron, and a red tshirt emblazoned with the words "Jix Rules." Orders for champagne, Dr. Pepper, strawberry pop and Diet Coke were coming so fast that Bobby's chubby little legs were kept churning as he delivered the refreshments to everyone in the house.

Um, guys? Are Bobby's chubby little legs bare to the world? Is the tshirt and apron all he is wearing?

Eeeewwww!

Brain Brillo….need Brain Brillo NOW!

Let's try that again, shall we?

Fifteen minutes later, Bobby was walking through the crowd with a tray of drinks, wearing a frilly white apron over his blue jeans, and a red tshirt emblazoned with the words "Jix Rules." Orders for champagne, Dr. Pepper, strawberry pop and Diet Coke were coming so fast that Bobby's chubby little legs were kept churning as he delivered the refreshments to everyone in the house.

Whew! Much better!

Authors were busy needling Bobby with comments like "this is what it takes to be an adult - maybe if you can keep it up you can grow up in fanfic..." when Cathy saw that Bobby was on the edge of a breakdown.

She clapped her hands together to gain everyone's attention, and tried to quiet the room down.

Unfortunately, only the lurkers who had met everyone at the farm were quiet, and that was mainly because it was just in their nature to be quiet. The agents had gotten a little boisterous in their celebration of a job well done, and (thankfully) most authors are almost impossible to shut up. Other readers were practically coming out of the woodwork, talking loudly the whole time about their favorite fanfics.

Cathy tried again...this time with a BobWhite whistle.

A hush descended upon the house.

Everyone turned to Cathy, who was standing in the small hallway between the living room and the kitchen so people in both places could see her.

People shoved Bobby through the crowd until he was standing in front of her.

"So am I gonna be sent to my room without any supper, or what?" he snarled at her.

"Oh, you're gonna be sent to your room alright." Cathy replied, "But waiting there for you is a stack of fanfic printouts. You have the audacity to demand more fanfic time at Jix? The nerve to try to dictate to the authors who give so willingly of themselves? I'll have you know that the fanfic at Jix is the BEST IN THE WORLD!"

Cathy had to pause for a few moments then as the crowd in the house burst into thunderous applause and cheers. When the hullaballo finally died down, she continued.

"There's no such thing as bad fanfic here at Jix...but out there in other fandoms, there's some truly horrible stuff. And you're about to experience it! Those printouts up in your room? They're full of Peter Rabbit fanfic."

LOL! I LOVE this punishment!

A loud gasp went up in the room.

Someone cried out "Dear Lord, No!"

Another voice nervously asked "That vileness in this house? In Crabapple Farm?"

"Don't worry" Cathy assured the crowd. The room has been hermetically sealed....there's no danger to anyone else."

*Snirt* Hermetically sealed?

Bobby looked up with a hopeful look in his eyes. "Peter Rabbit? I always did love Peter Rabbit. It can't be that bad!"

Cathy ignored the snorts of laughter that rose from around the room, and just smiled mysteriously.

Turning to Bobby, she continued with her pronouncement of doom.

"You're about to find out, aren't you? You may not leave your room until you've read the whole pile. Everything you'll need is in there."

The party continued full swing through the night.

And if occasional howls of pure misery arose from Bobby's room...well, no one really noticed.

Or much cared.

That my friends, is a wrap!

Really?

We're done?

Wow….we wrote a story.

It only took us three months too!

WildGirl?

Yes, Soks?

Can we have a real party now?

That's what the Jixaversary Chat is for.

Oh. Good!

Yeah! See you there!

Can we have fireworks?

NO!

We forgot something…all together now…

Happy Jixaversary!